Best man? The worst, just don’t tell the bride!

May 12, 2011

So, the learning blitz is now officially over and I can return to the life as I know it, you know, the usual stuff like airports, glitzy receptions, fine spirits and all that. Well, at least that’s what the next few days will be all about with me embarking onto the heroic mission of witnessing one of my best friends being sold into slavery. Why is it heroic, you will ask? Well, if you knew a thing or two about the wedding parties in Poland in general as well as the lot who will be there witnessing and celebrating throughout the weekend, you would not waste your time asking about the bleeding obvious, but spare a thought about my general wellbeing and pray for me to have as much of recovery powers as I like to think I still have at my old age!

It is the normal practice in Poland for the wedding guests to get completely smashed, get up to some ridiculous stuff throughout the party, hopefully have enough decency to lay down peacefully, then wake up, have some light breakfast, and then reconvene for some ‘extra time’ on the following day. Since my mate is a lovable bastard and one funny ass mofo, I am more than happy to oblige – I am guessing that reminiscing stuff like meeting that dude with a camel (yes, a camel) on a leash at 5 AM on Saturday in Opole, Poland and then riding the damn animal after giving it wine and beer should induce a few laughs!

Depending on the time of the day when you read this post I may be either still packing, on my way to the airport, on the plane, landing or already proceeding with getting shitfaced as soon as I set my foot in Poland and get in the groom’s car. With just one day to go before the wedding itself and my cover having already been blown, it is not very likely that I will be in position time- and frame of mind wise to write the match preview, so please excuse me if I go quiet or a few days. We play Aston Villa on Sunday, a very much a nothingy game if you consider our league position as well as theirs, which may yet give us a few things to write about nevertheless: it’s the last home game of the season, the controversial black scarves march is due to take place and there are rumours of Cesc playing his last game for Arsenal. All this, however, does not seem to be enough of a magnet to flog the tickets to the game, as these are still available on Pravda.com as I type. Seems like quite a few season ticket holders have decided not to go and actually made the effort of reporting it to the club to make their seats available for those who are so vocal about how crap our home support is and remember, there are scores of these who simply can’t be asked to do even that. Our best player waving farewell to the half-empty stadium? I could not sum all this up any better if I tried and tried very hard at that. If the decision makers at the club are not shaken by this allegory, I say we are in serious trouble!

You've been warned!

And you know what? Even though I remember sneaking out to watch the game in the other bar room at the venue where another wedding party took place a few years ago, I am going to give this one a miss too! Bros before hoes? Club before country? It’s bros before the club this time as the former tend not to let you down, simple as that. And this is coming from a man who would drag a group of people he just met halfway through Brussels to watch the North London Derby without the option of taking ‘no’ for an answer! Come to think of it, there were a few other occasions where I would simply bend myself over backwards to watch my team play and I am really struggling to remember the last time I have missed the Arsenal game. You will say it must be the sense of the ‘alternative occasion’, I say I would probably still watch it with the groom’s blessing if I could be bothered like I simply can’t right now. Wenger said that something was gone at this moment and it certainly appears to be the case with this Gooner zealot…

So, there you have it: since ‘the best squad ever’ was in the record breaking business for all the wrong reasons throughout this season, I am going to break a little record of my own before the whistle is blown for the last time at Craven Cottage next week. And you know it’s bad when you just want this one to end and then fast forward to the next one, eh? OK, I may actually suffer from the proper football deprivation in the degree sufficient to give the customary Barnet game some attention. Who am I kidding? I may be a bit cross with the club right this very moment, but it is very much like a very close and dear friend or a spouse who you love to bits even though she can be a bit of a bitch and you can’t stay mad at for very long!

Thank you for reading and enjoy yourselves this weekend, whatever your stance on the current situation is. Now that we have virtually bugger all to play for, it really is only a game for once, you know? Shit, did that sound wife-like? Must be the wedding mood getting the better of me…

Wedding wishes for the top man of a mate and his bird are welcome!


  1. Fuck watching Arsenal play again this season! Go and be your best mates bestman! These lot are worth ignoring, you know .What part of Poland are y all going to? Krakow, Lodz? I couldnt blog earlier in the morning. Infact our French chat on LG took place while I was at the Airport. I just travelled back to Nigeria from Ghana. Sweety sweety home.

    Black scarves? Yes

    We will be so officially shit if City win the FA cup on saturday.

    I have a little feeling that the number of people who will turn out with their scarves is going to be minimal.

  2. If Pat Rice retires, he must be replaced with someone who has Arsenal DNA! Do you know this guy?


  3. holy shit, mate, what a party that was! it was in Opole, the city linked in the post…

    so, fourth place trophy it is, eh?

    I want someone from within or with The Arsenal in his veins, like Keown!

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