Thank God for Chelsea.

April 25, 2011

Greetings, Gooners and Goonerettes alike! On the subject of the headline, a word of explanation for these who did not read my yesterday’s post: in the match preview I made a calculation where it was possible for ManIOU to win the league at our ground. I can’t quite remember where I got it wrong, pretty sure it had something to do with the number of games Chelsea had left to play, but since all those presumptions led to writing that funny paragraph about getting  the stay of execution, I have just decided to add a little post scriptum to calm some nerves. Instead of taking it out altogether, I have opted for a  little explanation with regards to why I preferred to keep it there. Someone said that once a good hypothesis is made and the facts won’t fit in, so much the worse it is for the facts. But hey, at least I am transparent about the small error I made and to be honest, it was not that much far off. It’s the LITTLE lapses that make us human and all that…

The title of today’s article is referring to the only reason why the darkest of scenarios is certain not to unfold before the very eyes of the fans gathered inside the ES on the May Day. Yes dear readers, this season just does not stop giving: we have been handed countless chances to catch up with the dire Mancs, but since we would just choke each and every time, there could be only one winner and that is Chelsea. And ironically, their gain is also ours, as if it was not for them being just six points off the pace, we would be running a serious risk of seeing a Yoonited player lifting the first ever Premiership trophy at the Ems in a week’s time if we were to fail to deny them a win. So, once again, thank you Chelsea for sparing us blushes as even this team can’t conspire to cock this up, save for some point deduction from your tally.

Please excuse this little bit of gallows humour as I am hurting as much as you are. Quite frankly, come to think of it, had the first ever title celebration at the shiny ‘new’ stadium not been such an important chapter in the club’s history, I would not mind seeing this travesty on the May Day a whole lot. Sure, we would have to endure ‘We won the league at Emirates’ for the foreseeable future, but hey, nothing less than earned, eh? Trust me, if I hear as much as one more word about bad luck from Our Glorious Leader’s mouth, I’ll just laugh. Because it’s all this nonsense deserves.

You won't like him when he's angry. Or something.

Since I am the ‘credit and criticism where it’s due’ kind of person, it’s credit time: what you see above is slightly altered image from this website. The man behind the ‘Arsenalisation’ of the Man of Steel is once again the pride of Ireland, Photoshop wizard world’s answer to Brendan Behan’s ‘drinker with a writing problem’, the person behind that nice banner on the top of the page, our dear friend and fellow blogger Tiarnan! I have emailed him the idea and it took him less time than it takes the current Arsenal team to lose a lead in a crucial game and that is saying something. The initial idea was to post the above picture in the next game’s preview article, but all the Kryptonite in the universe could not keep the Superdude under the wraps after the yesterday’s debacle. He looks mighty pissed off, you know? And he is wearing one of these white coats I told you about some days ago. Or is it a cape?

No points for guessing what my new avatar is!

I guess this is the moment where I should say a few words about yesterday’s game, but I’d rather not. Why, some will ask. The explanation is fairly simple: I could just take a few match reports I have posted until now, copy and paste some random stuff about no one closing down the opposition, overelaborate tippy tappy 5-a-side pursuit of happiness and FIFA Street style goals, Song playing shit, Theo being unable to beat his player in one-on-one situation and other same ol’ unaddressed shortcomings so clear for everyone to see  and it would still make sense. I could go on a rant about Wenger’s antics on the touchline, but I will just stop short of that as well, given that it’s not big and not clever to kick someone when he is down, and we Gooners have more class than that, don’t we? Think of what Seth Gecko said:

‘I may be a bastard, but I’m not a fucking bastard’.

I simply can’t be asked to write the same article over again, if it is the match report you seek, I am inclined to give you the best of both worlds (one at a time, that is) – LeGrove and A Cultured Left Foot. We don’t discriminate! For the masochists, there is also the Arsenalist with video highlights.

Thank you for reading! Due to other worldsaving duties, I may now go quiet for a few days, but I promise to drop by to write at least once this week! Realistically, one rant and one interview is scheduled before another weekend kicks in properly. Interview with whom? Now, now, that would be telling…


  1. Suga3,

    First time on here. A well written and clever post. 🙂

    Everybody is so disappointed after yesterday, and there is nothing positive worth saying, so, — new players and new tactics for next season (hopefully) is all we have to look forward to.

  2. RA,

    welcome mate, nice to see you on here 😉

    well, I just thought there is no sense in spitting feathers, you know what I mean? the thing that all that comes at not much of a surprise also helps a great deal…

    I am beyond anger now, I am intending on enjoying the ride, now that there is nothing to fight for any longer – still, the fans must be heard, this nonsense can’t continue, no?

  3. Suga3,

    If there is any certainty in the world it is that things will/have to change next year.

    Fingers crossed!

  4. RA,

    that’s the thing: if something’s a ‘certainty’, crossing fingers should be unnecessary, no?

    but I don’t think there will be no change, I reckon the sudden loss of morale also stems from that, some players just know there is no helping them, that’s why some won’t even make the squad…

  5. I honestly don’t know how you can get yourself up for the pain and hurt inflicted upon you by our wondrous leader and shit hot team.

    Glutton for punishment, I suppose.

    At least you’re never boring, Suga, which is more than I can say for some sites (including LG).

  6. charlie,

    now that the hope is gone, I reckon we may as well have a few laughs, eh?

    as I said earlier, none of this came as much of a surprise, so…

    and thank you for the ‘never boring’ compliment, I am doing my best – I feel the pain of the regular writers, as it is difficult to make it entertaining 24/7 😉

  7. Alright Sug,

    You really are a bit of a comnundrum to me. You write very well, almost to ArsenalArsenal standard (!!), but then you go and write ‘Song is shit’, and I figure I should just stop reading there and then.

    Its not that I beg to differ as to how well he does or doesn’t play, its just that comments like that should be left to morons like Jaguar and Gambon.

    If everyone just came on and said Xyz is shit, Def is a c**t, then you do know exactly which site you’ll end up like, God forbid.

    Other than that, very good read.

  8. Im with CharlieG on the LG is boring theme. Its one thiong to be critical, but all day every day. Complaining about anything and everything to do with Arsenal, morning, noon and night.

    Even when we’ve won, they’ll still be moaning about why Mark Randall’s still at the club, or that they were offered a £40 name plate for their 3k a season seat.

    I just wish they’d do a ‘why I love Arsenal’ day just once so there’d be something positive on there. I’ve not dared to even peek in there for the last month or so.

    At least it keeps all the loons in one place I guess

  9. Sharkey,

    first of all, thank you for your kind words, I know you are not the easiest one to please 😉

    ‘playing shit’ (which he did) is not exactly the same as ‘being shit’, besides, you know me as a bit of a swearing enthusiast, eh?

    as for LG, you should pop in there, after the initial DooM shock you will see the debate is well reasoned, you might be surprised…

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